me

There are times lately when I sense a moment of myself in a previous time of my life. It always catches me by surprise. In so many ways I feel like I've always been the way I am now - that what matters to me now has always mattered and I've always thought the things I think - and yet, in these moments, I find that I have changed. I feel as though I've lived many lives and been many versions of this person I am now.
I feel more comfortable with myself that I ever have. I have a much easier time being around others. Aloofness has always come easiest to me...not because I see myself as better than others but because I just live in my head a lot and enjoy observing things. But in the last couple of years, I feel much more able to be in things.
I am really trying to lose the extra weight that I've gained this past year. I want to be happy and I want to be healthy. That is really one area I feel insecure and uncomfortable about regarding myself.
Check out the Susan Boyle clip on YouTube if you haven't already. The one that's about 7 minutes long is the better one because it hasn't been edited. I can't really explain what touches me so much about it but I've watched it almost every day for the past few days. I think I'm almost more moved by the judges reactions as they're watching her - it's as though you can see them let down their guards and just be completely moved by her. I find it really uplifting. There's also an audio clip of her singing "cry me a river" from several years ago and it's very good also.
Congratulations Ashton Kutcher about Twitter. Power to the People and all...the world as we know it is changing.

Easter

It's the end of Easter Sunday and it's been a pretty good day. I love having kids...for lots of reasons...especially because I love my kids (obviously). But I have to say that having kids really makes the holidays. It's just so fun to get to be a part of that magic.
This morning, the girls checked out their baskets and then got ready for church. My sister and her family are here (at my mom's) and we all met at church. My dad even came with my mom - a rare treat. After church, we did our traditional Easter trip to the sand dunes.
My family does not care for boiled eggs - to eat. Well, Mr. Charming can eat a few but basically, we don't eat much of the colored eggs. We color a LOT of eggs though (abour 6 dozen this year between everyone) because Easter eggs are good for one thing: shooting. Actually, 2 things I guess. We started a competition a few years ago for the coolest decorated eggs. So everyone tries to come up with some original, artistic creations. Every year brings new things. This year, my kids and my sister were pretty creative in their coloring but I was not too inspired. There were a lot of good ones though. So, yeah - the competition (which, who doesn't love a good competition?) and the shooting. It was fun and the weather has never been better I don't think. It was not windy - yay! My brother was even able to come with his friend and it was really nice to have everyone together. We all missed our other brother. Sucks to have him so far away (Missouri) ... I hope it isn't the competition that's scared him that far off :).
It's just such a treat to have family and the people who grew up with you and get your silly sense of humor and know what bugs you and also know what you like and what you don't.
But right now, my stomach hurts and I think I'm going to have to miss the movie the girls are watching with their dad and just go lie down.
Happy Easter to all. And while this day was full of the tradition of my family, I am very aware of what the day is and I am profoundly grateful for the atonement and the resurrection of Christ and hope to continue to make it a bigger part of my life and "be an example of the believers."

bliss

"Anyone who imagines that bliss is normal- is going to waste a lot of time running around shouting that he has been robbed. The fact is that most putts don't drop, most beef is tough, most children grow up to be just people, most successful marriages require a high degree of mutual toleration, and most jobs are more often dull than otherwise. Life is just like an old time rail journey with delays, sidetracks, smoke, dust, cinder, and jolts, interspersed occasionally by beautiful vistas and thrilling bursts of speed. The trick is to thank the Lord for letting you have the ride."---Pres. Gordon B. Hinckley

I read that quote on another blog recently and it just made me think that if even President Hinckley had those thoughts and feelings then my life is OK. Sometimes when I'm having those feelings, I think I'm doing things all wrong - that I'm all wrong. It was a real epiphany moment to think that this is what life is. And I am really grateful for the ride.
In other news, I liked the blind guy on American Idol but it was his time to go. I'm waiting for Gokey to pay the price for his smarmy confidence - at least bottom three.
This spring break will be a nice respite.

one of those days

On the plus side, I am healthy and my family is healthy and, just to make sure that everyone realizes this: that is about the most important thing and I'm grateful.
With that said, today has been One of Those Days. I feel like I should be springing and doing and getting stuff done-ing because Spring is in the air. But no, I feel like napping and even when I get a minute to nap, rather that being refreshed, I am ready for more nap.
We are getting a new appraisal on the house next week and there's plenty to do to get ready but I am not getting it done. Also, there's one student I've got that is totally pushing my buttons and I'm just so done with it. We have had the final confrontation over it - I hope - and I'm really hoping tomorrow is different...better different. It just sucks the life out of me.
My blogging friend Ryan, of the angrygardner.com is back on after a few months absence and it's great seeing what he's up to again but, he's like putting me to shame. He's cooking this gourmet meal and that gourmet item and blah, blah. Me? It's lentils tonight baby. Seriously, I just feel so lackluster.

The weekend with Something For Everyone

We all went to Honey's volleyball tournament this weekend - it was a two-dayer (Fri. & Sat.) so we got a motel room and stayed in Salt Lake. I was a little surprised that Mr. Charming went because his back has really been bothering him and he really doesn't like sitting for a long time anyway. I think we're both realizing that the kids won't be kids forever and we are enjoying "being in the moment" with them. We went shopping at the mall for a bit afterwards and while Honey looked for volleyball shoes with her dad, I took Sugar to some of the stores she likes. She'd had a pretty long time of hanging out watching her sister for two days and I wanted to give her a little fun too. We ended up going to Build a Bear because I had some credit at the store. I hadn't planned on letting her get a new animal but I didn't want the credit to expire and the look in her eye was too hard to say no to. There is something quite magical about the experience. Part of the magic is just that I know it won't be much longer that we'll have kids who want to get a new stuffed teddy bear. Got to enjoy it while it lasts! The tournament went well, the shopping was fun, and we got home late Sat. night.
In church, Mr. Charming and I are in the marriage relations Sunday school class and it has been a really nice thing. The teachers are quite interesting and good. Today they had us do an assignment (not to turn in but to share privately with our spouses later) in which we wrote the strengths that we felt our spouses have and that we, ourselves, have. We shared our lists later at home with each other and it was a really neat experience. Mr. Charming said some things that I didn't know he thought or noticed and it really touched me. I'm grateful to be married to someone that values our family so much and is so supportive of me and our kids.

jody can play today

My shoulder hurts and it looks pretty gnarly...Sugar has asked to see it a couple of times and then nearly comes undone each time. I think she has to verify that it actually looks as gross as it seemed like it looked the last time she saw it. It does.
The doc thought everything looked good though. He removed the lump and is sending it to a pathologist (as a matter of routine and just to err on the side of caution). All in all, I feel pretty good about everything.
One of the really good parts of today was going for a walk with my friend Kris. Good friends are hard to come by and I'm really glad to have someone that I can share my worries and ideas and thoughts with. The weather was warm but a little crazy windy - I didn't even mind the wind though because it was just so nice to get out!

nothin' but a case o' nerves

I read a book over the weekend (I read it all on Saturday - even managed to help hubby with some chores), went to the movie with my family tonight, am going walking with a friend tomorrow...I feel like I got off the treadmill of constantly hustling but getting nowhere to really doing some things. It's been a treat.
Today felt like a long day and I'm still working on getting everything done that I need to. Dance photo day for Sugar. I should've gotten Honey out for volleyball fundraising but that was one thing that didn't get done. Family Home Evening night at the movies so I had to get dinner done at a respectable time. Totally out of food so, you know, I had to get life-sustaining items. But I think the thing that's weighed on me the most is that I have to go to the Dr. tomorrow to get a little lump removed from my shoulder. I noticed it around Christmas and I finally had it looked at a week ago. The Doc said that it looks like just a normal little cyst and it's no biggie. And I'm sure he's right - it's just that whenever you have a lump - just the word itself hangs heavy in the air. And I'm a worrier. Anyway, I have to get things ready for a substitute to take care of my classes and I wanted to get dinner fixed in case I didn't feel like cooking tomorrow.
I've been screaming inside my head all day because I've got so many things to do, it's rush here - rush there, and I'm nervous about it all.
It'll all be fine.
Next week I have to go to the Dentist and get a broken tooth fixed.
I'm pretty excited about that too.

the backburner

I've let so many things that I used to love doing sit on the backburner. Things like reading and knitting and walking. I think that school and house projects have made my mind feel too full to invest in any of that. But I've noticed a change lately. Even thinking of those things is a change. The approach of spring seems to be awakening my desire to get back to some of those hobbies. I keep getting yarn out of "the stash" and just touching it...thinking of projects. I want to select a project that is not too complicated and not too bulky. Something soft and useful and for me. I do have some sock yarn and I do enjoy me some handknit socks...

Reprieve

It's Friday - in all it's beautiful glory. This week has been a treat; everything at school just seemed to work and I didn't have a panic attack about what I would be doing with any of my classes even once. An idea for a child care unit game that I've been toying with for a year and a half finally came together in my head and it was easy to put together and the students loved it. In fact, they've asked every day since if we could play it again. I know that I've mentioned this before, but I have to say it again - I am just so grateful for the Lord taking me by the hand and helping me do what I need to do. Lately I've been praying that I can be a blessing in the lives of others. I think that we do receive what we ask for because I feel like my mind has been opened and my patience has been increased.
Friday evening just feels like such a reprieve. After a long week of getting up early, running errands, hoping I don't forget to take my kids where they need to go (and then return when I'm supposed to - guess who was 10 minutes late picking up from dance and felt like crap even when Sugar said it was OK? yep. I know, there's worse things, but still it's hard not to feel like the moms that have it together don't do stuff like that). Honey's kicked back in the recliner reading and Sugar has her cousin over for a sleepover (they're watching Tinkerbell right now). Mr. Charming is sanding the door on the room we're overhauling and I'm listening to the dryer and enjoying some free time now that dinner is over. It's just regular life, nothing extraordinary but I can't help but feel that this life is sweet.

Viva le difference!

There are many times during marriage that I've thought Mr. Charming and I are definately a case of "opposites attract." We are oh-so-different in lots and lots of ways. I'll admit that there've been plenty of times, especially early in our marriage, when I wished he was more like me. Skip a few years and time has made me wiser. I genuinely appreciate his attention to detail and his methodical determination in seeing a project through to the end. His persnickety-ness has created a more beautiful, secure, efficient home for our family and, while I've certainly contributed, I know that the bulk of credit goes to him. We're beginning to see the light at the end of the tunnel on yet-another-home-improvement-project (that's the way it is when you live in an old house, kids) and it's really incredible. I truly admire that he can come home from a long day at work and put on his painting clothes and go to work for the better part of the evening. One more coat of paint on the walls, moulding, re-paint trim, sand & re-paint door, and get carpet laid (come on - that's not bad!) and we can make one more check mark on the perpetual to-do list around here! I also love that he seems like he's no longer aggravated with me for not being like him. Just this past weekend, Mr. Charming thanked me for being a mom that puts her children first and for being the kind of mom that I am. It meant a lot - it was a huge validation of the time that it takes to run kids around and listen and guide and support and fix hair and find shoes and check homework and encourage and all those things that I love doing but at the end of the day, there's not a lot to show for what you've been doing all day. In short, I'm so glad for what makes me, me and for what makes him, him. I wouldn't have it any other way. Viva le difference!

Monday, Monday

Monday always brings out the apprehension in me. I adore sleeping in (to an almost unhealthy degree) and I really try to indulge on the weekends. So when 5:15 Monday morning rolls around, it's not a really happy time. Couple that with the fact that I always plan on organizing my teaching stuff on Saturday and then I end up doing chores at home and goofing around with my kids and so - yeah, the teaching stuff stays perpetually unorganized. So Monday mornings are always the time that I say a little prayer to just help me get it together for today and, every Monday, I get my own little miracle. I don't say any of this in an off-hand way. I really and truly am just so grateful for the Lord somehow making time to help me out of my own mess.
Today was a good teaching day. We started the play of the Diary of Anne Frank in my 7th grade Lit. classes. I love doing that play. I love teaching the history behind it and seeing the kids grasp ideas that they've heard the words of but never really understood. I love the hope and humanity of that story. Home Ec. was a time of re-teaching expectations and I felt like the class was listening to me in a way that doesn't happen as much as I'd like. It was a real reinforcer of why I wanted to teach. I do have to say that I have really great students - even the ones that make me crazy. The fact that I genuinely like them seems to help smooth out the rough edges.
The rest of today was spent on a conference call workshop meeting after school and then a harried time of selling Girl Scout cookies with Sugar. Seeing her with the cute little sash and the bouncy curls in her hair that we did this morning just made me feel like "this is a moment". I think I'll have that image locked away in my memory for a long time. I'm glad that she still lets me help fix her hair sometimes - I've always loved doing that for my girls. I also had an interesting conversation with Honey and she always pleasantly surprises me with the things she thinks about. I feel comforted to hear her thoughts about different boys and also situations that go on at school. In some ways she doesn't talk a lot but what she does say is worth a lot more than a bunch of empty words.
Today is a day of gratitude.

Fast Sunday

Listening to our daughters laugh as they tease each other has to be one of my favorite sounds. Right now, the girls are all ready for church and joking around while Mr. Charming is finishing getting ready. Fast Sunday is always a tough one for me. I feel like I haven't found my testimony of it yet and I know it's because I haven't really invested myself fully in it. This is a time for me with many weighty concerns and this - fasting & prayer - feels like the right way to come to the Lord with them. It's my nature to feel and, honestly, really believe that everything will be all right. That it will be the way it's supposed to be. But on the large scale (problems in the world; problems with the economy) and on the small scale (our teen, Honey, heading off to high school next year), I feel as though I need to do something to address my concerns. So this fast Sunday is about that.

A Beginning

My sister called this morning and told me, among other things, that she had begun a blog and I should go check it out. I am not surprised by my sister's gumption much anymore - she is always deciding to do something - but this did take me by surprise for some reason. I read her blog (it was lovely, of course - I expected nothing less) and looked at several of the blog links on her site. I was led on a treasure hunt of blog sites. I was astounded by all the people that I knew who were blogging...many people in my town...many people that I talk to on the phone or visit in the grocery store. Blogging. I decided that maybe I should jump in. That this would be a way to chronicle my life. I've found it hard to stick with journaling and scrapbooking seems a little too involved for the stage of life I'm in right now. So here we go -