me

There are times lately when I sense a moment of myself in a previous time of my life. It always catches me by surprise. In so many ways I feel like I've always been the way I am now - that what matters to me now has always mattered and I've always thought the things I think - and yet, in these moments, I find that I have changed. I feel as though I've lived many lives and been many versions of this person I am now.
I feel more comfortable with myself that I ever have. I have a much easier time being around others. Aloofness has always come easiest to me...not because I see myself as better than others but because I just live in my head a lot and enjoy observing things. But in the last couple of years, I feel much more able to be in things.
I am really trying to lose the extra weight that I've gained this past year. I want to be happy and I want to be healthy. That is really one area I feel insecure and uncomfortable about regarding myself.
Check out the Susan Boyle clip on YouTube if you haven't already. The one that's about 7 minutes long is the better one because it hasn't been edited. I can't really explain what touches me so much about it but I've watched it almost every day for the past few days. I think I'm almost more moved by the judges reactions as they're watching her - it's as though you can see them let down their guards and just be completely moved by her. I find it really uplifting. There's also an audio clip of her singing "cry me a river" from several years ago and it's very good also.
Congratulations Ashton Kutcher about Twitter. Power to the People and all...the world as we know it is changing.

Easter

It's the end of Easter Sunday and it's been a pretty good day. I love having kids...for lots of reasons...especially because I love my kids (obviously). But I have to say that having kids really makes the holidays. It's just so fun to get to be a part of that magic.
This morning, the girls checked out their baskets and then got ready for church. My sister and her family are here (at my mom's) and we all met at church. My dad even came with my mom - a rare treat. After church, we did our traditional Easter trip to the sand dunes.
My family does not care for boiled eggs - to eat. Well, Mr. Charming can eat a few but basically, we don't eat much of the colored eggs. We color a LOT of eggs though (abour 6 dozen this year between everyone) because Easter eggs are good for one thing: shooting. Actually, 2 things I guess. We started a competition a few years ago for the coolest decorated eggs. So everyone tries to come up with some original, artistic creations. Every year brings new things. This year, my kids and my sister were pretty creative in their coloring but I was not too inspired. There were a lot of good ones though. So, yeah - the competition (which, who doesn't love a good competition?) and the shooting. It was fun and the weather has never been better I don't think. It was not windy - yay! My brother was even able to come with his friend and it was really nice to have everyone together. We all missed our other brother. Sucks to have him so far away (Missouri) ... I hope it isn't the competition that's scared him that far off :).
It's just such a treat to have family and the people who grew up with you and get your silly sense of humor and know what bugs you and also know what you like and what you don't.
But right now, my stomach hurts and I think I'm going to have to miss the movie the girls are watching with their dad and just go lie down.
Happy Easter to all. And while this day was full of the tradition of my family, I am very aware of what the day is and I am profoundly grateful for the atonement and the resurrection of Christ and hope to continue to make it a bigger part of my life and "be an example of the believers."

bliss

"Anyone who imagines that bliss is normal- is going to waste a lot of time running around shouting that he has been robbed. The fact is that most putts don't drop, most beef is tough, most children grow up to be just people, most successful marriages require a high degree of mutual toleration, and most jobs are more often dull than otherwise. Life is just like an old time rail journey with delays, sidetracks, smoke, dust, cinder, and jolts, interspersed occasionally by beautiful vistas and thrilling bursts of speed. The trick is to thank the Lord for letting you have the ride."---Pres. Gordon B. Hinckley

I read that quote on another blog recently and it just made me think that if even President Hinckley had those thoughts and feelings then my life is OK. Sometimes when I'm having those feelings, I think I'm doing things all wrong - that I'm all wrong. It was a real epiphany moment to think that this is what life is. And I am really grateful for the ride.
In other news, I liked the blind guy on American Idol but it was his time to go. I'm waiting for Gokey to pay the price for his smarmy confidence - at least bottom three.
This spring break will be a nice respite.

one of those days

On the plus side, I am healthy and my family is healthy and, just to make sure that everyone realizes this: that is about the most important thing and I'm grateful.
With that said, today has been One of Those Days. I feel like I should be springing and doing and getting stuff done-ing because Spring is in the air. But no, I feel like napping and even when I get a minute to nap, rather that being refreshed, I am ready for more nap.
We are getting a new appraisal on the house next week and there's plenty to do to get ready but I am not getting it done. Also, there's one student I've got that is totally pushing my buttons and I'm just so done with it. We have had the final confrontation over it - I hope - and I'm really hoping tomorrow is different...better different. It just sucks the life out of me.
My blogging friend Ryan, of the angrygardner.com is back on after a few months absence and it's great seeing what he's up to again but, he's like putting me to shame. He's cooking this gourmet meal and that gourmet item and blah, blah. Me? It's lentils tonight baby. Seriously, I just feel so lackluster.

The weekend with Something For Everyone

We all went to Honey's volleyball tournament this weekend - it was a two-dayer (Fri. & Sat.) so we got a motel room and stayed in Salt Lake. I was a little surprised that Mr. Charming went because his back has really been bothering him and he really doesn't like sitting for a long time anyway. I think we're both realizing that the kids won't be kids forever and we are enjoying "being in the moment" with them. We went shopping at the mall for a bit afterwards and while Honey looked for volleyball shoes with her dad, I took Sugar to some of the stores she likes. She'd had a pretty long time of hanging out watching her sister for two days and I wanted to give her a little fun too. We ended up going to Build a Bear because I had some credit at the store. I hadn't planned on letting her get a new animal but I didn't want the credit to expire and the look in her eye was too hard to say no to. There is something quite magical about the experience. Part of the magic is just that I know it won't be much longer that we'll have kids who want to get a new stuffed teddy bear. Got to enjoy it while it lasts! The tournament went well, the shopping was fun, and we got home late Sat. night.
In church, Mr. Charming and I are in the marriage relations Sunday school class and it has been a really nice thing. The teachers are quite interesting and good. Today they had us do an assignment (not to turn in but to share privately with our spouses later) in which we wrote the strengths that we felt our spouses have and that we, ourselves, have. We shared our lists later at home with each other and it was a really neat experience. Mr. Charming said some things that I didn't know he thought or noticed and it really touched me. I'm grateful to be married to someone that values our family so much and is so supportive of me and our kids.

jody can play today

My shoulder hurts and it looks pretty gnarly...Sugar has asked to see it a couple of times and then nearly comes undone each time. I think she has to verify that it actually looks as gross as it seemed like it looked the last time she saw it. It does.
The doc thought everything looked good though. He removed the lump and is sending it to a pathologist (as a matter of routine and just to err on the side of caution). All in all, I feel pretty good about everything.
One of the really good parts of today was going for a walk with my friend Kris. Good friends are hard to come by and I'm really glad to have someone that I can share my worries and ideas and thoughts with. The weather was warm but a little crazy windy - I didn't even mind the wind though because it was just so nice to get out!

nothin' but a case o' nerves

I read a book over the weekend (I read it all on Saturday - even managed to help hubby with some chores), went to the movie with my family tonight, am going walking with a friend tomorrow...I feel like I got off the treadmill of constantly hustling but getting nowhere to really doing some things. It's been a treat.
Today felt like a long day and I'm still working on getting everything done that I need to. Dance photo day for Sugar. I should've gotten Honey out for volleyball fundraising but that was one thing that didn't get done. Family Home Evening night at the movies so I had to get dinner done at a respectable time. Totally out of food so, you know, I had to get life-sustaining items. But I think the thing that's weighed on me the most is that I have to go to the Dr. tomorrow to get a little lump removed from my shoulder. I noticed it around Christmas and I finally had it looked at a week ago. The Doc said that it looks like just a normal little cyst and it's no biggie. And I'm sure he's right - it's just that whenever you have a lump - just the word itself hangs heavy in the air. And I'm a worrier. Anyway, I have to get things ready for a substitute to take care of my classes and I wanted to get dinner fixed in case I didn't feel like cooking tomorrow.
I've been screaming inside my head all day because I've got so many things to do, it's rush here - rush there, and I'm nervous about it all.
It'll all be fine.
Next week I have to go to the Dentist and get a broken tooth fixed.
I'm pretty excited about that too.