me

There are times lately when I sense a moment of myself in a previous time of my life. It always catches me by surprise. In so many ways I feel like I've always been the way I am now - that what matters to me now has always mattered and I've always thought the things I think - and yet, in these moments, I find that I have changed. I feel as though I've lived many lives and been many versions of this person I am now.
I feel more comfortable with myself that I ever have. I have a much easier time being around others. Aloofness has always come easiest to me...not because I see myself as better than others but because I just live in my head a lot and enjoy observing things. But in the last couple of years, I feel much more able to be in things.
I am really trying to lose the extra weight that I've gained this past year. I want to be happy and I want to be healthy. That is really one area I feel insecure and uncomfortable about regarding myself.
Check out the Susan Boyle clip on YouTube if you haven't already. The one that's about 7 minutes long is the better one because it hasn't been edited. I can't really explain what touches me so much about it but I've watched it almost every day for the past few days. I think I'm almost more moved by the judges reactions as they're watching her - it's as though you can see them let down their guards and just be completely moved by her. I find it really uplifting. There's also an audio clip of her singing "cry me a river" from several years ago and it's very good also.
Congratulations Ashton Kutcher about Twitter. Power to the People and all...the world as we know it is changing.

Easter

It's the end of Easter Sunday and it's been a pretty good day. I love having kids...for lots of reasons...especially because I love my kids (obviously). But I have to say that having kids really makes the holidays. It's just so fun to get to be a part of that magic.
This morning, the girls checked out their baskets and then got ready for church. My sister and her family are here (at my mom's) and we all met at church. My dad even came with my mom - a rare treat. After church, we did our traditional Easter trip to the sand dunes.
My family does not care for boiled eggs - to eat. Well, Mr. Charming can eat a few but basically, we don't eat much of the colored eggs. We color a LOT of eggs though (abour 6 dozen this year between everyone) because Easter eggs are good for one thing: shooting. Actually, 2 things I guess. We started a competition a few years ago for the coolest decorated eggs. So everyone tries to come up with some original, artistic creations. Every year brings new things. This year, my kids and my sister were pretty creative in their coloring but I was not too inspired. There were a lot of good ones though. So, yeah - the competition (which, who doesn't love a good competition?) and the shooting. It was fun and the weather has never been better I don't think. It was not windy - yay! My brother was even able to come with his friend and it was really nice to have everyone together. We all missed our other brother. Sucks to have him so far away (Missouri) ... I hope it isn't the competition that's scared him that far off :).
It's just such a treat to have family and the people who grew up with you and get your silly sense of humor and know what bugs you and also know what you like and what you don't.
But right now, my stomach hurts and I think I'm going to have to miss the movie the girls are watching with their dad and just go lie down.
Happy Easter to all. And while this day was full of the tradition of my family, I am very aware of what the day is and I am profoundly grateful for the atonement and the resurrection of Christ and hope to continue to make it a bigger part of my life and "be an example of the believers."

bliss

"Anyone who imagines that bliss is normal- is going to waste a lot of time running around shouting that he has been robbed. The fact is that most putts don't drop, most beef is tough, most children grow up to be just people, most successful marriages require a high degree of mutual toleration, and most jobs are more often dull than otherwise. Life is just like an old time rail journey with delays, sidetracks, smoke, dust, cinder, and jolts, interspersed occasionally by beautiful vistas and thrilling bursts of speed. The trick is to thank the Lord for letting you have the ride."---Pres. Gordon B. Hinckley

I read that quote on another blog recently and it just made me think that if even President Hinckley had those thoughts and feelings then my life is OK. Sometimes when I'm having those feelings, I think I'm doing things all wrong - that I'm all wrong. It was a real epiphany moment to think that this is what life is. And I am really grateful for the ride.
In other news, I liked the blind guy on American Idol but it was his time to go. I'm waiting for Gokey to pay the price for his smarmy confidence - at least bottom three.
This spring break will be a nice respite.